Some days I struggle. Most days I can put Ava into a safe place in my heart and hold her there while I continue living a life with purpose and full of happiness, but some days I can’t. Some days I just hurt too much to come out of the shadows, and when I wake up in the morning I wish I could go back to sleep until the pain was over. Some days I just really struggle. And though those…
When I first arrived at the hospital I was terrified of the uncertain future we faced. I had no idea how long we would be staying and I was preparing to be trapped there for months if it meant saving our baby. I remember spending the drive to Denver brainstorming up ways I could keep my job by working remotely from a hospital bed, and trying to come up with childcare plans for Logan. At some point in our drive,…
I haven’t written in awhile and there are still a few parts of Ava’s story remaining that I haven’t shared. These are the parts and the details I want to put down on “paper” before too much time passes and I forget them. For the next few posts, I’m going to continue telling the rest of Ava’s story because I need to make sure it is complete. If not for your sake, or hers, then for mine… After spending a few days…
After a cold and dreary few weeks, it now officially feels like spring. The snow has long melted and almost overnight the grass has turned into a bright, lively green after what felt like weeks of rain. The tree branches are full of swollen buds with the promise of new life to come. The sun is shining, the clouds have cleared. For months I have been longing for the sweet smells of fresh cut grass and morning dew. I walk…
Last week we decided to move. We weren’t really actively looking for a house or considering a move anytime soon, but I stumbled on a listing for a house and five days later we found ourselves under contract. It wasn’t totally surprising to me. We’ve always known that our current home is not where we want to be forever, and well, the timing just seems right. We debated the purchase for a few days until Travis ultimately reminded me that…
Have you ever had a really good cry? You know, the one where you just let go and sob and your stomach heaves and your shoulders crumble and sometimes you even lose your balance and have to sit down. The one where the sadness is purged from your body one teardrop at a time until you run dry, and when you’re done you take a deep cleansing breath and suddenly the world feels right again. That cry that is so…