This is an essay I recently submitted to a Jewish website about my difficulty in finding meaning in the Jewish High Holidays after the death of my daughter. Unfortunately, it was not accepted because the holidays have already passed and it was “too late to run.” So I share it with you here…
When I was rolled out of the operating room Ava was resting on my chest, and the first thing I did was look at her ears. When a baby is developing in utero the kidneys and ears develop at the same time so often times a congenital disorder with one can be seen in the other. Ava had no amniotic fluid left when she was born which suggested a problem with her kidneys. I traced my fingers over her tiny…