The first 24 hours after Ava’s death are a random collection of foggy memories for me. Between the lack of sleep from the previous night, the narcotics, the grief, and the loss of blood I was no longer able to process anything that was happening.
I’m about to write my daughter’s entire life story in a single post. It seems too difficult, but writing this is an important part of my acceptance of her death. Until now I have managed to keep her alive through my stories and writing about my pregnancy. Once I finish this part of her story, that’s it. Her life will be over on this blog and the remainder of my posts, the remainder of my life, will be spent in the…
Logan started daycare this week, or school as we’ve been calling it. While he was there I decided to spend a few hours at work on Wednesday and Thursday reacquainting myself with the computer system and all the changes that have occurred since my unexpected departure nearly three months ago. I am not “officially” back for a few more weeks but I have been having so much anxiety about it that I thought it would help me if I eased…
I haven’t posted in almost two weeks but I’ve had this post sitting in my draft bucket for longer than that. I don’t know why I haven’t put it up. I’ve edited it so many times that I’m actually just reading it over and over without making any changes, but still I’m hesitant. I’m not ready to tell the story of my c-section and Ava’s brief life before everyone reading has some understanding of what we were thinking and feeling about…